WEIGH IN WEEK #3

   This has been a really tough week for me. I've had many moments of frustration and several nervous breakdowns. I was doing so great getting my liquids and protein in last week, but out of nowhere I started struggling. I couldn't get ANYTHING in and I spent hours after every meal trying to keep myself from throwing up what I just ate. It was really tough! The only place that I felt like I was having any success was at the gym, so I met my goal of 4 sessions this week. I probably could have done 5 or 6 if I hadn't barricaded myself in the house for 2 days. So here's what everyone has been waiting for:

   I took 2 pictures so that you guys could see the scale better with out a shadow. 

WEEK #3 Result:

 Weight Today: 281 lbs. 8 oz.
 Weight Lost This Week: 5 lbs. 8 oz. 
  Total Weight Lost: 21 lbs. 8 oz.

Pits of the Week

•  Regressing: I'm all of the sudden not able to get my protein and liquids and it SUCKED! It's like an emotional beating when you can't meet your goals and I take it really personally. 
• Throwing up my multivitamin twice.
• Feeling like a failure.
• Having anxiety every time I know that it's time to eat, and then crying after I've taken 4 bites. I always felt like I needed to throw up after I ate.

Peaks of the Week

• I got to watch the Biggest Loser at the gym. 
• I got crafty and made some great scrapbook pages and Christmas decorations.
• I can feel my jeans getting loose.
• I met my goal of 4 gym sessions: that means 35 minute cardio sessions. I took pictures of my calorie count lost during each session on the elliptical. 3 times I stuck with my traditional "weight loss" function and 1 time I left it on its normal settings. You'll see from the pictures that I need to leave it on the "weight loss" function from now on. 

• I zipped my white hoodie for the first time since April 2009

Great Finds!

   I just wanted to share some of the great things that I found at the grocery store. I realize some of these may be no-brainers, but when you are used to living a really unhealthy lifestyle they're genius ways to substitute out some of your unhealthy habits.

    Instead of ground beef we have converted to ground turkey. I bought it in 1 pound increments and then cut it in half to freeze it. There's no point in defrosting an entire pound if half of it will just get forgotten about in the fridge...right?

    After I started putting things in bags I realized that not every one would have the protein ratio from the nutrition facts on it. Half of them would have it, and half of them wouldn't. So I started labeling the bags with the protein facts so that I would always have access to them. Pretty genius idea if I do say so myself!

   Who doesn't like bacon?! This is probably going to be the hardest adjustment for my husband because he could literally eat a whole pack of sugar glazed bacon if I let him. To say he LIKES bacon is a gross understatement. I just hope that this transition goes okay for him. Again I separates this pack of bacon into 4 separate packages, that way we wouldn't be forced to eat an entire pack in one sitting. Portion control, people!

   This is one of my favorite finds: chicken Italian sausage! I love Italian sausage, especially with some homemade marinara sauce, zucchini and mushrooms. That was one of the first things  I realized I would miss, so I am glad that I found a substitute for it. This particular blend was found at Trader Joe's and comes in a 5 pack. Once again I separated it by 2's and wrote in the protein content on the bag. 

    I heard about these at my group meeting. They are perfect for once you start eating Stage #4 and are made with egg whites and turkey sausage instead of the regular pork sausage and whole eggs.

Grocery Shopping

   This is one of the toughest things I've had to deal with since I've had my surgery. And to be quite honest, it's something I didn't even think about. I had spent so much time preparing for the first 2 weeks of surgery that I never really thought about anything past the mushy foods stage. The gravity of what I just did to myself and husband hit me as soon as I walked into Trader Joe's. I was so proud of myself because I had planned out a menu for 2 weeks and made a separate itemized grocery list of everything we needed to execute said menu. 

   What I didn't realize was that for every item on my list there were 4-5 options to choose from, all with different amounts of calories  and proteins. The days of walking into a grocery store and choosing what's cheapest are over! On average (before surgery) I could go to Trader Joe's, VONS and Fresh & Easy and get all the groceries I needed, at all 3 locations, within 1 hour. It used to be very easy! But this week I took my husband, because I needed help lifting things, and thought things would be even easier because I had an extra set of eyes and hands. I was sooooooo wrong! We spent 2.5 hours at Trader Joe's and VONS alone....2.5 HOURS! I could have made things easy on myself and just grabbed any item, but getting the most bang for your buck when it comes to protein has become a real priority. I was so unbelievably overwhelmed that I shut down and almost broke down trying to pick "the right" Greek yogurt. Seriously...I almost cried because putting the right Greek yogurt in my shopping cart was such an overwhelming experience.

   Luckily I went home, called my mom, vented and was able to go finishing my grocery shopping the next day with a lot more ease because I knew what to expect! Just knowing what to expect made a HUGE difference! I even made some really great discoveries of some items that I get to start eating on Wednesday when I move on to STAGE #4.

Interesting New Development

   So here's something new that my body is doing: getting nauseous when I drink liquids while in motion. At first I thought it was just a coincidence, but throughout the day today it kept happening. I even had to pull over the car at one point because I was nauseous and light-headed. So yeah...although I never threw up the first few days after surgery I've developed this awesome new quirk. Yay me!

Back to School...with the Sleeve

   It's been 2 weeks since my surgery and that means it's finally time to go back to school. I'll admit I was a little nervous about the long drive (about 1 hour with slight traffic), but the drive went fine. The part that was the most challenging was regulating my food and water intake when I wasn't at home. I packed my multivitamin, calcium supplement, biotin, 32 oz. water bottle, and a protein drink and assumed I was ready to go. However, I got to school at 7:30am and realized, "Oh no! I won't be home until 3 in the afternoon. I need to put actual food in my body." I talked myself into going into the cafeteria to see if I could find SOMETHING that could work, but I wasn't counting on it. 

   Luckily for me they finally re-opened the salad bar and now provided small TO-GO containers that are bariatric friendly. They have a lot of your usual salad bar favorites, plus hard boiled eggs, chicken salad, quinoa and tuna salad. Those last three items are definitely going to be great options for the next few stages. But today I settled on a hard boiled egg (7 grams of protein) and 1/2 cup of  shredded cheese (7 grams of protein as well). I also purchased a banana, half of which was supposed to become my afternoon snack, but never made it into my belly.

   So at this stage in the game I'm supposed to be eating 5 small meals a day. The hard boiled egg was Meal #1 at about 8:00am, and the cheese was Meal #2 at about 11:30am.

   I got very lucky and happened to have packed my special spoon for no apparent reason. That made it a little easier to eat slowly. As you can also see, I took my food to the car. I really wasn't ready to sit in the cafeteria surrounded by people eating sausage breakfast sandwiches and Doritos. I'm not quite there yet. Plus I feel like people might see me eating my one hard boiled egg and think to themselves, "Oh brother! Who is she kidding? I KNOW she eats more than a hard boiled egg." I know it seems really stupid to think that someone else even cares what I'm eating, but it's just one of those post-op insecurities I've developed recently. I feel like people are watching me to make sure that I'm eating right.

But I survived and drank a full 32 oz. water bottle before I got out of class! I pretty much rocked my first day back.

WEEK #2 WEIGH IN

   So I have a little confession to make! Because of how rapidly I lost weight the first week, I became obsessed with weighing myself every morning this week. It was pathetic. I started getting worried that something was wrong because I wasn't dropping multiple pounds a day anymore. Then I went to my first support group meeting and realized that this is quite normal. Most people eventually had to remove their scales after they hit the one year mark because they became so obsessed with the number on it. They did mention that the first week you lose quite a bit and it slows down but remains a steady rate. So now I'm going to try to refrain from weighing myself every single morning....maybe just Wednesday mornings for my weekly weigh in?!

And here's my Week #2 Weigh In Results:

Today's Weight: 287 lbs. 0 oz.
Total Pounds Lost: 16 lbs. 0 oz.

*Goal for this Week : Go to the gym at least 4 times!

Peaks of the Week

• Going back to the gym for the first time
• Starting Stage 3/Mushy Foods
•  Sleeping through the night...finally!!!
• Being able to take all of my supplements and vitamins
• Showering easily and with out any help
• I don't have shoulder pain or tightness in my chest from breathing deep

Pits of the Week

• Letting the scale run my life
• Making the most delicious-smelling marinara sauce from scratch and not being able to eat it
• Feeling trapped and isolated at home
• Getting distracted and forgetting to drink and eat...oops! 
• Facing my compulsive need to snack just because I see the fridge
• Learning to identify what "HUNGER" and "FULL" mean...I basically don't have hunger anymore, and feeling full feels completely different now.

On to Stage 3: MUSHY FOODS!

   So today was the day that I have been waiting for: mushy foods! I had been deliberating for 3 days what I was going to eat first: eggs, beans, hummus, cottage cheese, mashed potatoes? Finally I decided a hard boiled egg would do the trick. But I'll be honest, when I put that first bite in my mouth it wasn't what I was expecting. When they say that your taste buds change a bit, they do. The texture was slightly slimier than I remembered and it was a little more bland than I remembered, even with a pinch of salt. I was pretty disappointed but I was just glad that it went down okay...and STAYED down.

   Since I was feeling okay I tried some beans for lunch and those went down really well too. The main problem that I faced was trying to time my liquids correctly and get enough liquids in my body. As dumb as it sounds I always check my pee color to see whether or not I'm hydrated enough. The lighter it is the better! Sometimes I don't feel thirsty or hydrated, but my body is and looking at my pee helps me gauge that. Since my surgery, if I've avoided getting the proper amount of liquids, I get badly chapped lips and my hands get pretty dry.

   For dinner I had some mashed potatoes and those made my tummy a little gassy. I wasn't farting or burping, but I could feel it digesting. If I could compare it to anything I would say it felt like my stomach was growling. All in all it went well. I didn't throw up anything I ingested...always a good sign! 

   

Drain, Drain Go Away!

   The one thing that scared me was knowing that I would be going home with a drain, and therefor an open wound. I also have a 6 year old little brother who jumps on me whenever he sees me and I was terrified he would pull it out or something. Plus there is the whole idea that going home with an open wound would allow infection rate to increase. In reality they were very thorough at showing me how to care for it at home and how to effectively change the dressings. That doesn't mean I was any less scared!!! 

   It was scarey to take my first shower because you could no longer safety pin the drain to your clothes. That's what kept it from becoming sore and getting weighed down. So I had my husband hold the drain while I showered and that worked out pretty well. Finally, on Monday, I was able to have my drain removed.

   This is what it looks like! All that lovely tubing was inside my body, causing me that intense shoulder pain I experienced my first day. I was terrified of having the drain removed, even though I wanted nothing more than to get rid of it. When the moment finally came it was the most awkward feeling I've ever felt! It felt like diarrhea that wouldn't stop leaving my belly. It didn't hurt; It didn't tickle; it just felt weird!

WEEK #1 WEIGH IN

   So it's officially been one week since my surgery! As I'm writing this blog entry right now it's 7:35am PST, which means that I was fully prepped for my surgery and simply waiting for Dr. Billy' arrival. It's crazy to think that it's already been an entire week! I decided to do a weekly weigh in so that I can keep an eye on my progress at home and spot any trends that might be occurring. So here it is...my official Week #1 Weigh In:

                                    

Starting Weight: 303lbs. 0 oz.
Week #1 Weight: 291 lbs. 4 oz.
Total Weight Loss To Date: 11 lbs. 12 oz.

The Peaks of My Week

• Losing my first 10 pounds
• Getting my 40 grams of protein in
• Journaling efficiently
• Having my family be more supportive than I had ever expected
• Cooking for my husband for the first time 
• Not having that overwhelming feeling of hunger all the time
• Walking for at least 40 minutes every day

 The Pits of My Week

• Hitting my walls at 2pm, when I literally don't want to drink anything else for the rest of the day. 
• The discomfort at night time when I was at home and couldn't get comfy
• The shoulder pain from the drain 
• The first 2 days: questioning my decision to do the sleeve
  

 
 
 


 
 

My Post-Op "MUST HAVES"

    One of the hardest things to figure out after I left the hospital was what I actually needed to have with me at all times. After 2 days home, this is what I've narrowed it down to:

 1. Cup/Bottle- In my red cup I usually put crystal light, watered down 100% juice or just plain water. 
2. Protein Drink- The white bottle with the red cap is Premiere Protein (chocolate flavor). It's my protein drink of choice right now. 
3. Little Clear Cup- You can barely see it near the center, but it's there! They gave them to me in the hospital and the little cup holds 1ml of fluid. I'm expected to try to drink 4 of these and hour and 64 total in a day. It's a constant work in progress.
4. Spirometer- That lovely contraption is made to breath into and helps keep you from developing pneumonia. 
5. Pill Box- I have my daily multivitamin in here, biotin and B-12.
 6. 3 Gold Squares- Calcium Citrate! Caramel flavored.
7. Food Journal- documenting what you eat is very important!

It is a great tool to show yourself how you've improved since yesterday. It really helped me with my self esteem the first few days I was allowed to drink again. I could see that although I was short for my daily protein intake, I still got 12 more grams in than I did the day before. Yay me!!! It's important to know that everyday is a new day and you'll do a little better than you did the day before.

Day #6 Post-Op: Ridin' Solo!!!

   Today marks the first day that I was left alone to take care of myself. I will admit that I was a little concerned that I wouldn't be able to log everything, but it's gone pretty well so far. I have gotten all 40 grams of protein in already and have gotten all 3 doses of calcium supplement in. I even went for a 15 minute walk outside by myself, and hopefully I'll go for another one when I pick up my sister from school. On that note...I drove for the first time today! I drove, with the supervision of my husband, to a bakery to pick up a birthday cake for my mom's birthday dinner tonight. I finally stopped taking my pain meds now that my drain is out (stay tuned for a blog entry about that soon)! 

   What I have been struggling with the last 24-48 hours is being around food and really listening to my body. I can legitimately say that I haven't been hungry since I had my surgery. I have not had the sensation of hunger hit me, but I HAVE felt thirsty because the protein drinks tend to dry out my mouth a bit. Once I get in my initial 4-6 ounces of the day I seem to have a never-ending feeling of being full. You get to a point that you just don't want to drink anything! I've been pushing myself to get my protein in by promising myself that I can take a 45 minute break from drinking and reward myself with some sugar free jell-o. I'm telling you, by 2pm I don't want to put anything else in my mouth.

   Last night I also cooked dinner for my husband and prepped other items for the week. It was painful to stand in the kitchen for an hour, but I made it through. My husband seemed pretty impressed that I was able to do it and even said, "If I were in your position I wouldn't be able to be around food...period. I don't know how you do it?" In that moment I had a minor meltdown because I was so sick of protein shakes. In that moment I did a mental countdown as to when I would be able to eat actual food again...then it hit me! It's not food I want. I'm literally not craving anything. I was really frustrated because I had been on a liquid diet for 8 days and I simply didn't want to eat or drink. I had to take a second to listen to my body and realize that it's angry because it's getting used to eating a different way. I can't blame my body for being pissed off at me. It's going to be a long road but eery day has been better than the day before. 

I Told Him...MY NUMBER!!!

   So it's the beginning of Day #4 Post-Op, and everyone who tells you it's almost impossible to get your protein goal met is 100% correct. On Friday I only got 11 grams of protein, but yesterday I got 33 grams out of the recommended 40 grams and I waited to start eating until 11am. Today I'm getting an hour and a half jump start and hopefully won't be taking too long of a nap today. My goal is just to be better than I was the day before. I also managed to get in 50 minutes of walking yesterday! 

   This morning I had a big accomplishment though! I went to go weigh myself and the scale said "294.6 pounds. That means I'm about 9 pounds down in 4 days. I literally started tearing up because it finally became real that the weight is going to be gone. When my hubby came in to check on me he saw the tears and thought something was wrong. I assured him that I was fine and told him "I'm 294 pounds!" I broke 300 yesterday but the number on the scale didn't go back up. Ryan just stared at me for about 7 seconds and then said, "Do you realize you just told me what your weight is?" It was a huge moment! I was immediately an open book about my weight in an instant. I told him what my starting weight was, what my day-of-surgery weight was and what my weight was the day we got married.I knew that someday I'd be able to tell him "my number" but I never imagined it would be this soon! I'm just so stinkin' proud of myself for pushing through these last few days and to see the weight melting off is what I needed to see!

Day #2 Post Op

   I finally felt the pain in my stomach today. I think all the shoulder pain was masking everything else in my stomach. I literally had a minor panic attack in the morning because of the pain and because the pain medication was actually causing me literal pain. It was the first time I said to myself, "Why did I do this?" I can honestly say that I had a moment of regret and then Ryan reminded me of all the reasons I did it. I'm so glad that I had him there with me! By the end of the day Dr. Billy was ready to discharge me and we were on our way home by 7:30pm. It was really exciting but even more scarey! I was terrified that there would be no way to comfort me or that the pain medications just wouldn't work. 

   Needless to say we took the long way home, and it was a loooooong night! I couldn't find a comfy position to sleep in or sit in. I also had a lot of the gas build up that seemed to take forever to leave my body, no matter how much walking I did. 

Surgery Day

   This is it! It was the day of surgery and my final weigh in weight was 303 pounds. I was hoping to be under 300 but that unfortunately didn't happen. I'm pretty sure I was retaining a ton of water weight from the two days of my all liquid diet, but it's all good. 

   We got there bright and early at 5:15am and I was hooked up to everything by 7:15am. My doctor ran a little late but everyone warned me that would happen. He usually does. In the mean time I got to spend some time with my hubby and mom until he got there. 
 

   Honestly, the morning went by pretty fast and the procedure felt instantaneous to me. I literally remember Nancy, my support coordinator from Dr. Billy's office, saying to me "This is the first day of the rest of your life" and then I was out! Before I knew it I had some really severe pain in my abdomen...like it was on fire! Then the nurses assured me I would be receiving some pain medicine momentarily. Within a few seconds the burning pain slowly subsided and then I just had to focus on my breathing. It seems sort of silly to focus on breathing, but when you're overweight you use every muscle in your stomach to help you breath and now all of the sudden ever contraction of you stomach muscles hurts like a b****. Finally they rolled me out to meet my hubby and mom and we all made our way out to my room. 

   They briefed me about what Dr. Billy said. First, he wasn't able to do the spider sleeve because there was too much obstructing his view. Secondly, everything else went perfectly fine! There were no complications and I was going to try to walk later that afternoon. The first few hours weren't too bad, but pretty soon that shoulder pain kicked in. I had been warned that the excess gas they pump into you (to make sure there aren't any leaks) manifests itself in possible shoulder pain. Some people get it and some people don't: I DID! I was on the verge of tears a few times and had to force myself out of bed to start walking because that's the only way to get rid of it. For me it was the worst part of Day #1 post-op! 

   I also made sure that my hubby called work to let them know that everything went alright and these were the lovely flowers that got delivered to me by Shell's Petals:

    In fact, the girl who delivered them arrived in time to see me stand for the first time!

Girls' Day!!!

   In honor of my surgery being a few days away, my mom took my sister and I for a girls' day out. We started off the morning with some pedicures and then henna tattoos. It was a great way to relax!